“You know how when you’re always depending on yourself, you’re living a one-person act show, others can step in every once in a while but mostly it’s just you. You become utterly and completely dependent on yourself, especially when it comes to handling emotional or psychological issues. You’re so dependent on yourself that you might not actually see any stretched-out hands offering help.
It’s so hard to share the responsibility you know, like someone would literally have to snatch things from you to let you know that you’re not alone. It takes huge understanding and it can get uncomfortable at so many levels. Previous experiences in life hold a position here as well, like from your earlier endeavors you learned you can only depend on yourself. Even the people who are always there, are not really, because everyone is busy in their own lives as you become involved in your own as well. There’s another thing that when you become so dependent on yourself, you feel like you don’t need others as much, even those closest to you.
One thing quite common in such cases is alternative reality, when you create characters of your own imagination to be there for you when you need them. You control all the variables and characteristics of those imaginary people around you. I actually studied with an imaginary friend back in college, were the best times ever. Somehow I can’t help but wonder if this whole thing is a defense mechanism to avoid human dealings!
Sharing is caring they say, it’s not easy I say. It requires to have someone in yourself who is so patient that they would go to arm’s length if it would help you understand. So many times, things fail and it’s that splitting feeling inside you, how to not be disappointed to the point of giving up. I mean, you still have yourself on which you depend. So, it’s almost like yeah I know you’re there for me and you’re here to stay but it doesn’t mean I will frail without you!